My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
