so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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