I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
