Your mouth is God's brothel.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
