I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize