She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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