My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
