dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
