wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this just has baby written all over it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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