The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
