I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize