After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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