Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
