This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i've created a new STD.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
