I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
