Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
