you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the liver wants what the liver wants
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
