So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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