So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
