So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize