You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
