just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
