the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
