He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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