so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
