I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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