did you get engaged???
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
