i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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