Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
