Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
40s are totally the cure
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
