why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
