Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
