I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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