so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
