Are we in a gay sports bar?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
