Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
