i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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