I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
