trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize