You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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