someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
