I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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