did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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