She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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