woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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