Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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