She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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