John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
