well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
