is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
