My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
