I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
