Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
