Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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