Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so that wasnt chicken after all
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
