Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
