Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
