Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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