Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
