My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
