She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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