Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
