i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
