he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
