I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
